We're told that we should live life a day at a time. Live for the moment. Don't mess with past or future - it just adds layers to an otherwise pure moment. I think there's a lot of truth to this.
It's what we've been trying to do. We've left our past behind us. Our future is uncertain.
In large part, we've been quite successful. We've been astonished at how quickly and easily we've "erased" our home from our thoughts, how seldom we think of it, or talk about it. My brother said "Well, right now you are not thinking of it, but that doesn't mean you won't in the future". I wonder about that. I think he might be right.
Sometimes it feels that we are living a scene after scene existence that simply develops on its own, has no beginning or end, and will go on forever - rootless.
We are starting to long for closure.
We're resenting the make-do meals, the laundry adventures, the "suitcase as a chest of drawers" scenarios.
Yesterday, we looked at yet more possible homes. We're starting to get them mixed up, the realtor is starting to drop comments like "I was surprised that you wanted to see this one - it doesn't fill your criteria somehow". He gives us sheafs and sheafs of paper outlines for each property. The pictures seem to bear no relationship to the actual product. I start taking pics of my own, but I need to put a person in the shot, or I can't remember where we were either. Web sites do a pretty good job, but in every re-production class, the real thing can surprise. Reality is the final arbiter. What you see is what you get.
In some ways, we feel we are making progress. We keep shoring each other up. "Remember, we said we wouldn't rush into this - let's just be patient, and one of these days, we'll walk in a door, and know immediately that this will work for us".
This came close to happening yesterday.
So maybe the end is near.
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